Battling Imposter Syndrome
Photo: animal-space.net
Have you ever suffered from a bad case of “imposter syndrome”? Where you feel as if you aren’t the right person for the job, or you haven’t earned your place in your field? I’ve been hit with a pretty bad case of it this past year.
When I was younger, I had a lot of strange hobbies for a middle schooler. While most kids my age wanted to go to the mall or play sports, I was into filmmaking and animal husbandry. I loved wildlife equally as much as I love capturing it on video. I always wanted to be sort of the next Steve Irwin, or be like the videographers I would see on National Geographic - getting to travel to amazing places, helping to save animals from threats, and making films about it along the way. But as I got older and started to grow more into myself, I realized that there was a disconnect between me and those people I watched on tv. I didn’t see myself in them. Not even in the slightest. And that divide continued to grow as I discovered more about myself - there were no gay or nonbinary filmmakers in these shows, so obviously that means it’s not a career for people like me, right?
Little me holding a bird
Slowly and subconsciously, the dream began to fade and I moved onto different career paths, like being a musician or a barista. Eventually I made my way back to video and started freelancing in the marketing and advertising space, which sparked a little more joy in me. But despite making it as a full time freelancer, doing what I loved, there was still something missing. The pandemic allowed for so many of us to take a hard step back from our usual day to day and really ponder what we’re doing with our lives - that’s certainly what happened to me. My wife and I spent a lot of this time going to the San Diego Zoo. I bought myself a really nice 100-400mm lens and started taking photos of my favorite animals. Suddenly the dream that little Angel had slowly started to inch its way back into my heart. I knew I had to do something, because if not now, when? We only get one life, and for the first time, I finally realized that I couldn’t spend it not doing what I truly wanted to do.
I began emailing people like crazy. I emailed all sorts of wildlife nonprofits and production companies. I rarely received any responses, and of the responses I did receive, nobody had an open position that allowed me to do what I wanted with no experience. However, after randomly finding an email on Linkedin for someone on the San Diego Zoo’s media team, someone finally responded. Unfortunately there were no open spots at the zoo; but the person very kindly pointed me in the direction of Jackson Wild. This changed everything.
Before I knew it, I was suddenly in a community of natural history filmmakers from all different parts of the world, skill sets, and backgrounds. I signed up for the Jackson mentorship program and gained Jolene van Antwerp as my mentor, who then led me to Candice Odgers, who I inherited as my second mentor. These two took me under their wings and taught me everything they know about editing for natural history. Candice led a masterclass where I got to work on my first ever wildlife project, a little mock-sizzle about sharks in the Caribbean. My portfolio made its way to Days Edge Productions, a natural history production company here in San Diego, and eventually I landed a position on their team. Then, with the encouragement of Candice and Jolene, I applied for the Jackson Wild Summit Fellowship, a prestigious cohort of filmmakers that get to head to the Jackson Summit to build connections and get incredible opportunities in the industry - and I got in.
Trying out cameras at the Jackson Wild Summit
The summit was like being in a dream. I was now even more surrounded by people in the industry. I was learning so much, soaking it all up like a sponge. I felt so intimidated at first, especially after reading everyone’s bios and experiences. The imposter syndrome was really coming at me full force. But on the first night when I got to meet my cohort fellows, I realized that I wasn’t alone in feeling like I shouldn’t be here. Everyone was so in awe of each other and inspired by each other’s work. Some people came from a long history of wildlife filmmaking, others from a background in science, and some even like me, with no experience whatsoever. As the summit went on, I learned about rewilding and conservation, how to produce for impact, and how to effectively communicate the urgency of our changing planet. I got to get hands-on with industry standard cameras, like Red and Arri. And I think most importantly, I made new connections and friendships that will last far after the summit.
I think my biggest takeaway from this experience is that when imposter syndrome comes sneaking in, find your family and take those chances. You never know what is going to happen! Sometimes all it takes is even just one person to believe in you. I knew I had the drive, the skill, and the heart - all I needed was the reassurance and support of my peers and mentors. Thanks to Candice, Jolene, Julie, the Days Edge team, and every single person I’ve met along the way, I’m here, and excited for the next chapter.
